Saturday, 27 August 2011

SFFS Week 13

I'm really excited this week. I have a new idea to introduce to you, one that I'm playing with at the moment. It will eventually be a story, but for now only a few sentences have been written. I would love to hear what you all think about it. For now, I'm calling it The Cabin on the Lake.
The pungent smell of the pines drifted up her nostrils, arousing her from sleep. Through the haze of not-quite-awake-yet, and puzzled by the unfamiliar scent, she prised her heavy eyelids open a slit to get her bearings. An ocean of too-bright white linen assaulted her just-roused senses, at odds with the golden background of bare pine slats that rose as a wall beyond. Her eyelids drifted closed again, weighed down by safer thoughts than what lay beyond.
Slowly snapshots of the night before wended their way through the miasma of her half-asleep consciousness to surface jubilant, demanding her attention. An after-work dash up the Interstate as night drew in; a sprint through a convenience store to gather supplies; a bumpy, muscle-abusing ride down a dark forest track, damp branches smacking into her windscreen and scraping their sodden trail down the length of her car; and finally that heady reek of wet pines as she unloaded her life-for-the-next-three-months into the log cabin that was her haven.
She inhaled deeply, savouring the aroma as it filled her lungs. No longer wet, but spicey, sun-kissed by the new dawn. If this wasn't pure luxury, then she didn't know what could ever be.

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Comments (13)

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Great, Laurel! I could really smell those pines, especially in the morning. :-) Also interesting to see all the hyphen-driven description -- I wonder if this was a conscious style decision, or if it just came out that way?
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
Thanks so much for the kind comments :-) I think it just came out that way. I started with the first one, and then several more appeared. The whole story will probably not see too many of them. I think they're symbolic of her half-awake state :-D
Although this is peaceful and dreamy, what I'm really curious about is why your character is escaping her every day life for so long.
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
sometimes one just needs a break? :-D This one sure needs a break, time to mend, time to heal ...
Definitely puts me in mind of the locale, also curious why she is hiding away for three months.
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
I'm glad you go the images - something I'm learning. Guess you'll have to wait and see (nevermind that it's still coalescing in my imagination!) :-)
Somehow I get the feeling she is fleeing from something, though the scene is peaceful enough.
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
Fleeing, or running toward, that just might be the question.
I get the feeling of a slump of relief after extended flight from something.

I definitely want to know more!
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
Well, if it's relief, her body knows about it better than her mind does :-)
Great descriptive narrative.
1 reply · active 712 weeks ago
Thanx Chantal :-)
Love it, all those images and thoughts popping into her head and a real feeling of her half-dozing state. I'm quite jealous - I want to be there!

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