Curiosity killed the cat ... or not?

Why does one seek feedback?

There is an innate desire in us to receive feedback, whether we fear what people will say, or not. It's like a compulsion, an addiction. "What do you think of this?" is a question frequently asked, or "Have you been reading this lately?"

This is, in fact, a question that I just asked a friend of my blog. She and I have been discussing this creativity insecurity identity link for a few weeks now, and I was curious to know her thoughts. My immediate thought once I had asked the question was, oddly, "curiosity killed the cat?" But is this in fact a suicide bid, or a chance for security and building up of character and identity?

I'll be the first to admit that I feel unsure of my identity. And I think that this is where the insecurity arises from, leading me to check "Am I doing ok?" .... Ultimately, I think that one needs to take care WHO one approaches for feedback, and if one approaches those who are supportive and understand the fear behind the question, then curiosity need not kill the cat.

Does insecurity stifle creativity?

So it appears that there is yet another dimension of the human psyche, another stage of the process. While some of us succeed in being creative, but then shy away from allowing others to view it, others fail to even create something because of insecurity, fear of being judged, fear of criticism, and so on. I can well imagine that yet others create something, and then destroy it so that no-one may see that aspect of themselves.

What I'm learning from this, which encourages me, is that none of us is alone in our insecurity and lack of self-confidence. From appearances, we all feel the same way about our creative pursuits, and perhaps it's time to recognise this in ourselves - and in those around us. Time to be more sensitive to other's attempts at creativity, for we can only do as much as we know, and we all improve with time and practice.

If you have experienced this fear, or know someone whose creativity is prevented because of their lack of self-confidence, I'd love to hear from you - even if you just put your hand up and say 'Aye'.

Lost works ...

Following on from my discussion of the link between creativity and insecurity, a friend made the following observation on my Facebook page, The Reluctant Author: "I wonder how many works of art, great or otherwise, have been lost to fragile self-confidence." This led yet another friend to mention an acquaintance of hers who has stories to tell and who writes very well, but perhaps lacks the self-confidence to put the stories onto paper.

It led me to think of some of the great artists of all time - van Gogh, Monet, Rembrandt, among others; a Dr Who episode from the last series showed the Doctor and Amy visiting a very insecure van Gogh who hated his work, and those around him laughed at him. This may not be entirely accurate, though it is known that he suffered from anxiety and mental illness, but one shudders to think what works could have been lost if these men were insecure and lacked confidence in their artistic abilities.

Consider too of some of the great thinkers and inventors; Albert Einstein, Galileo Galilei and Leonardo da Vinci among others. What if they had balked at writing down and studying what they did ... we would have lost access to some of the greatest thinkers and scientists of all time. But yet again, how many others failed where they succeeded and pressed on - sometimes despite opposition.

Just thinking (and writing) about it nearly doesn't do justice to the enormity of what could have been lost ... but how much else has been, and continues to be, lost?

Delving Deeper

So where do this creativity insecurity leave us writers? Well, we try to laugh it off as being paranoid about others stealing our ideas - a very valid point indeed, in today's society - but not half as important that acknowledging that we're actually dead scared someone will take it to pieces. Indeed, as some of the comments have already shown, it is our heart and soul that we lay bare each time we write. Therefore it is this same part of ourselves that we expose to critics and supporters alike when we, in our insecurity, search for feedback.

Is it no wonder, then, that criticism hurts? Even when it's well-meant and constructive? To be told that something should be changed, something should be removed, or even placed elsewhere in the story ... it hurts like nothing else. Each piece of a story is like a newborn baby that cannot be taken away from it's mother - and to do so is to tear her apart. This is how our stories feel to us - we become possessive, over-protective parents.

I don't think that there will ever really be a resolution on this for us writers - and artists of other forms too. That is the nature of creativity. One works on something that one loves, that is very much a part of one - but then one has to work to clamber over the insecurities, to be strong enough to believe in what one has created, in the 'rightness' of it, no matter what critics may say.

Insecure creators

As mentioned in my post yesterday, many of us writers are insecure about our writing. But why is this?

For me the writing process is a varied one - depending on which project I am looking at. Usually, however, it begins with a kernel of thought that grows, over time, into a story or a poem. Sometimes I have needed to carry out some research to improve elements of a story, but for most part, what is written is my own concepts and ideas ... elements of my imagination.

Because of this - and I know that this is true for other writers - what is written from a creative perspective (this does not apply to, for example, academic writing, so much) is intensely personal. Sometimes it can even reveal our inner desires - those things that ordinarily we wouldn't want anyone to know. We therefore become very vulnerable under scrutiny - and many shy away from any type of scrutiny. This makes not only the feedback process very difficult - but also querying (seeking an agent to support our work, or a publisher). Rejection knocks us sideways (at least, it has done so to those I know who have had rejections), and confidence in our own work needs to be bolstered to boost another querying effort.

I have to laugh at myself. I have been discussing this topic for several months with friends, and we all experience these doubts and fears. I was encouraged to write about it - and my own insecurities in myself: my inability to find an identity; my doubts about my own writing; my difficulties with receiving critical feedback. What do I do? End up analysing the whole issue from an impersonal viewpoint that doesn't express my own insecurities. This is so typical of me.

Creativity

First up, I want to say that I have not been reading up on this. These are just my thoughts, what I see as being the case.

Having written a couple of poems, a short story and a novel (Work in progress), I do consider myself to be a writer. It is in this medium that I have found a way to express myself creatively. Coming as I do from a family of artists (all of my family draw very well, my grandfather was a sculptor, and my step-grandmother a portrait artist), this has come as a relief, since I had previously not found any other medium for creativity. I did play music for many years, one instrument in particular performing the role of 'therapy' for my frustrations with life (mostly teenage), but I never felt that that was a creative outlet for me as such.

One thing that I have always sought - particularly with my novel, for some reason not so much with my first poem or my short story - has been feedback. A need to check that what I'm writing is 'OK' - whatever that is. Essentially: do other people like it?

I have chatted to several writer-friends about this insecurity, and what I have found is that, to a man (or woman), we are all insecure about our writing. Even those who are published question their ability to write. Even when we receive praise, it is very easy for the doubts to set in again.

I wonder if it is only writers who experience such doubts, or if other creative pursuers - artists, musicians, etc - have the same problems. I would be interested to hear any thoughts.