Wednesday, 6 October 2010

More on Secrets

I can personally say that, bearing in mind what I blogged about yesterday, it is far easier to 'get it off your chest' than to keep quiet about the deepest, darkest things that one wants to hide away. And that if God is the only person (being?) one can turn to, then that is certainly better than having no-one to turn to. I know what it is to have no-one to turn to but God. I once made a mistake, and lost a friend as a result. It hurt, like nothing else could hurt. I was so angry at myself for being so stupid. I eventually found comfort in the fact that God knows everything about me before I even talk to him, and that he still loves me, even when I make mistakes. And he doesn't go telling what he knows to those around me. He listens when I turn to him, and does not judge me. I could talk to him about how I felt, and even knowing that he alone (at the time) knew what I'd done, it was strangely comforting.

In my friendships I do what I can to provide my friends, when they're hurting, with a safe haven. I have always maintained that 'it is always better to have at least one person one can talk to' - and if they have no-one else who will listen, I do my best to be that listener.

I think however, that one needs to include, along with these 'secrets', frustrations. I get very frustrated about things (and it's an old frustration ... some things do not change), and I rarely let people know that I am frustrated. This is because there's often fingers pointing away from me, but I then remember that there some pointing back at me too, and that makes me think. I can honestly say that I have yet to find out why those fingers point back at me.

My Mom has always told me that writing things down is the best way to deal with secrets and frustrations, because then God can work with it. It certainly is therapeutic to write, although for many years playing the piano was the therapy that would put my thoughts back on track when I was frustrated. I think the most important thing to do is, find something constructive that allows your mind to free-wheel while you're busy, and that builds you up instead of breaks you down. Playing music and writing definitely appear to be two options - for me, at least.